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April 15 2015

AudreyW

Powerful Tenant Revenge Shenanigans

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Wanna go out with a bang? Could not care less about the tiny insignificant deposit?


Well, do it in style then!


Let’s assume, for the sake of argument, you have been treated unfairly the whole duration of the tenancy. Landlord had been nitpicking the whole time, forcing your hand to make unnecessary repairs, calling you in the middle of the night and even spreading nasty rumours around the neighbourhood about your personal life. to put it simply, we are outright dealing with a pure manifestation of evil here, evil that shall not go unpunished.


Payback is a b!tch.


And a dirty one at that.

1. The Awesome Possum Prank


Bait and trap a possum inside the basement and leave it there unattended for several weeks. Chances are it will thrash the place something awful in search for food and water and eventually will kick the bucket in failure to sustain itself.


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The corpse will rot in time but if you leave soon after its death, landlord may not notice/fully inspect the basement. What follows will be a nose blasting time bomb that will look completely natural, hence your involvement in this is likely to be suspected at all. Excellent ingenuity!  


2. Beer Carpet Treatment


Throwing a party in memory of the last days of stay in this wretched place might just get a bit out of hand if you sense the meaning here. Things get tossed around, alcohol as well as drunk people are all over the place. In this unsober chaos, it is more than likely for the carpet to “accidentally” soak up a few misplaced gallons of beer.


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Don’t get all worried, much more beer will be available for the party to continue all night long, the next day and a few afterparty days to top it all off. The smell will be excellent after a few days and believe it or not, very hard to remove just like many other organic substances are. Needless to say, you will not be the one worrying about carpet cleaning in the end, so who cares?


3. Walls Are Tasty


The party didn’t just take the carpet as casualty. Other vital house components took a heavy hit as well. That take out pizza everybody enjoyed so much ended up being used as primary ammunition in (later) failed attempts to resolve drunken disputes.

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A bit here, a bit there - walls and ceiling are not tastefully re-painted (pun intended). Luckily for you, localised solution to this issue is hardly possible. Landlord is likely to need to repaint entirety of the room and (considering the party was everywhere), potentially even the entirety of the house. Repainting alone is likely to cost him/her as much as your deposit was and that is not even considering the rest of the shenanigans listed here!


4. Freshen Up The Air


This one may not be easily applicable for all cases and homes out there but with a bit of creativity, it is more than possible. Find the least noticable window and crack it open with a blunt object, not using the handle or any other opening/closing mechanisms the window might have.

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Although the portrayed example may be a bit over the top, hence obvious, this should not discourage you to try applying some moderation in your actions of course. If you can’t think of a concealed enough kind of window, simply grab some transparent duct tape and seal the hole so it looks fine from distance. It will only be during final inspection (or later) this will be revealed but at that time, you’d be far away to even concede a modicum of worry.


5. Garden Bonfire


If you are among the lucky few to have rented a house with a garden, then that opens up an opportunity for some heavyweight garden carnage involving high temperature and easily flammable materials. You know where this is going already! Gather whatever useless stuff you have lying around (preferable your landlord’s possessions) and light them up good.


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Make sure the smoke can be seen from miles! Enough to alarm your neighbours to call the firefighters to extinguish it. Causing a local neighbourhood disaster is one good way to reverse the already-not-so-good name of your landlord. Quite deservedly so of course.


Arguments To The Contrary


As joyous it may be to just contemplate bittersweet revenge, most of us are unlikely to go that far in their rage. Actually, for good or worse, most people will spend a great deal of time worrying what areas they might miss when cleaning for the end of the tenancy. Some will try on their own, others might tenancy cleaners but in any case, deposits are more often wanted received back than the opposite. Still, one can sit back and imagine what would it be like to reign chaos and destruction upon unsuspecting and thoroughly deserving dreadful landlords.

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Schweinderl